Thursday 12:07pm – I have just returned to the house to make lunch. I grab the miniature cast iron pan, corn tortillas, and tupperware of sauteed veggies.; I slide the fridge drawer open and realize we are out of shredded cheese. A small wave of panic washes over me.
Friday 8:24am – I make my way into the kitchen and fill my mug with coffee (the coffee that our kind and generous Meg makes every morning before any of us wake up). Last stop, milk and sugar before I am out the door and on my way to the farm. Open the fridge, no more milk. The panic that planted itself in my gut yesterday is now germinating. Taking root and causing sweat to begin to bead on my forehead.
12:03pm – The three of us are in the kitchen rooting around trying to piece together a lunch from the things that remain. Meg settles on a can of green beans and some eggs. Sharon opts for a bowl of sauteed veggies. I finish off the leftover rice and kielbasa and grab the remaining grapes for dessert. We eat in silence for most of the hour until some dares to utter the phrase no one wants to hear, “I think we need to go to the grocery store.”
4:16pm – Panic is rising from my stomach to my throat as I make my way back to our house, nestled into the farthest corner of camp. I arrive to find Meg sitting at the kitchen table making the dreaded list. Realizing that I can’t avoid the situation any longer, I sit down with her and we begin to frantically look through the Kroger App, planning to buy only what we can find on sale or with a coupon. 44 minutes later we have consulted with Sharon and are ready to take a seat on the roller coaster of emotions whose ride time is approximately an hour and a half.
5:25 – We have entered the produce section, buggy, list, and $60 cash in tow. Squash is on sale and we proceed to stare at the acorn, butternut, and spaghetti squashes, each too afraid to step up and pick one. Inevitably Sharon, our beloved Enneagram 3, finally grabs one, then proceeds to the scale to weigh it and note the final price. Meg adds it to the running total she is keeping on her phone. Reluctantly I push the buggy forward; now on to dairy.
5:53 – Our running total is at $49.26 with bread and corn tortillas still left on the list. We know from experience they cost $0.89 and $1.69 respectively, bringing our total to $51.84, $3.16 short of our $55 pre-tax cap. We have had our eyes on fruit snacks, and this week they are on sale 2/$6 AND we have a coupon for $3 off. If you have been able to keep up with all that, you know that means we still have room for fruit snacks!! Joy is radiating from each of us.
6:07 – Six eyes are glued to the cashier’s screen. Joy has vacated and panic has returned. The total is at $78.37 and anticipation is crushing me as I wait for the cashier to press the magical button that takes off all the Kroger card savings. Suddenly the screen is rolling and the number is dropping. $57.25! $57.25! I seem to lose control of my arms as they fly over my head in celebration. Feelings of success and relief are exploding out of my chest as we gather our things, thank the cashier for allowing us to experience so many emotions at their counter, and exit to the car. We ride home reveling in the reality that we do not have to enter the grocery store for at least another week.
Now before you go directly to Amazon Pantry, hear this: this is what I signed up for. I want this year to be difficult and challenging. And I have the priviledge of this being challenge by choice, let’s not forget that.
I want you to walk beside me as I live out these new and sometimes uncomfortable situations. BUT, I beg you, please repress the urge to rescue me. Love me by letting me live through these experiences. Pray for me to lean into the discomfort that comes with recognizing my privilege and learning to live more intentionally.
- We are studying the Enneagram with our spiritual director as we learn to have deep compassion for ourselves and others.
- Megan and I had the chance to tend hives and spin honey with a local beekeeper as we explore the possibility of getting bees at Ferncliff as a tool to teach about beneficial pollinators.
- The three of us will be traveling to Baton Rouge, LA on a Presbyterian Disaster Assistance Deployment. We will be joining a group of Presbyterians from Missouri to work on cleanup and rebuilding from floods last year.
What I’m Reading:
- Hallelujah Anyway, Anne Lammot
- Devil in the White City, Eirk Larson
- Open the Door, Joyce Rupp
Embarrassingly I am still working on the two from last month. I am hoping that our time on the road to Baton Rouge will give me a chance wrap those up.